My mother died in April. She left an enormous mess behind. Her will was stashed in a safe deposit box that needed a court order to enter. My sister and I knew there was life insurance so we arranged a burial, costing $8000, only to find out that she had taken loans on the life insurance and there is only $3000. Her car was inspected and bearing put on in late 2007, and not driven after that, yet it has a horrible steering problem that turns out to be a tie rod and bearing problems. So it is worth a lot less than it looks like. I am in charge of sorting it all out. A foreclosing house. A suspiciously-termed reverse mortgage that the NYS Banking Dept is investigating. The bank won’t talk to me without Administration papers. They cost $275 to file. They have to list my mother’s first cousins and all of their children. We never had much contact with any of them and upon digging, there are at least 54 first cousins, all of whom had 1-8 children. I almost have all of their names, then any living ones, I need their addresses. I need the Administration papers to get her mail, where there are several checks in danger of being returned. So where does this connect with Pulp Fiction? I woke up this morning thinking about Bruce Willis discovering his watch was missing and rather than trying to explain, he says “my father went through a lot so I could have that watch”. His father had carried the watch up his ass for seven years and died of dysentary, and not giben up the watch. Bruce Willis’ character nearly gets killed trying to retrieve the watch. It is just a watch.
I think I have been carrying my mother up my ass for the past 50 years. I may end up leaving her and her baggage behind in the hotel room rather than going to retrieve her. This is becoming more of an issue of assigning blame -to M&T Bank for writing a very suspicious reverse mortgage, to Saratoga County Social Services for making repeated home visits and calling the horrible state of the home a “lifestyle choice” as my brother drank himself to death, and my mother’s breathing problems exacerbated from mold, to the town of Stillwater, NY for verbally threatening that the house was going to be condemned but after she moved out, they took away her property tax exemption, moved in, cleaned up and sent the bank a bill for their services, to HUD for backing the mortage of $65.000 on a house in horrible condition and for their failure to properly inspect it, Nationwide Insurance company for denying her claim for storm damage, calling it a flood when it was major roof damage, to the neighbors who watched the deterioration of the house and its inhabitants and did nothing about it, to the family, including myself, who gave up trying to change it… and the list goes on- than it is about her estate.
The watch has become a symbol. Cleaned up, it looks like a nice antique gold watch. Its history untold, it is a relic of the past, an heirloom. Out of context, it is what it is. Butch can take it out, look at the time. He always knowsthat to carry it, is to carry its history of hardship and shame. He chooses to use it to inspire, but he can neither part with it willingly, or bear its accidental loss. How many things are we as individuals carrying up our assholes that we are obligated but not attached to? It is not just individuals- as a country, the US now has Iraq and Afganistan up there, and since China owns so much of our currency, they are up there too. (although we are probably going to reverse that if we can’t get our economy back and be up theirs). Israel is up there- we sponsored its beginnings, it is still surrounded by enemies, and we are committed to carry it around with us. All of the countries we fear as sovreign nations are up there, because we have to help them to support their sovereignty in exchange for them staying weak.
I think it is time to take a chance on all levels, and let the watch to turn back into being a time piece...
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